Martha Graham

I unexpectedly lost my husband two and a half years ago. We were married 17 years and had a wonderful, happy marriage. I can honestly say that the only regret I have is that we didn’t have more time together. After several months of debilitating grief, I made the conscious decision to put my life back together and believe that I could be happy again. I know that’s what my late husband would have wanted. About a year after he died, I met a wonderful man by pure chance. We fell in love, and were married 22 months after my first husband’s death. Not all, but many of my family, friends, and co-workers are critical of this marriage. When I was the long-suffering widow, everyone was supportive and caring, but now that I have found happiness again, people say that I didn’t grieve properly and that I rushed into this relationship. One (former) friend even said that I was acting like my late husband never existed and she couldn’t be my friend anymore because, unlike me, she still loved him and missed him. I miss my late husband every day. I probably always will, but I have discovered that grief and happiness can co-exist. I am a 49-year-old professional woman. My husband makes more money and has a nicer home than me, so being taken advantage of isn’t the issue. Do these people have a valid point? How long is it proper to wait, and how do I handle it when people say these hurtful things?

—No Longer a Widow

Dear No Longer,
Thank you for your observation that grief and happiness can co-exist. How sad that some of those who should be most pleased for you have decided they know better than you how long you should mourn. In any case, meeting someone a year after your husband’s death and marrying two years later is well outside the limits of anything that should raise eyebrows. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. But since you are troubled by the comments of some friends and family members, tell them what you told me: that you will miss your late husband every day of the rest of your life, and that you know he would want for you—as you would have wanted for him—to find love again.

Judith Viorst

You are your own healer and the way you heal is to participate in your process as fully as you can.

Everybody’s process is different. No two are the same because no two people are the same. Everybody’s experience of life is unique. We may do similar things to bring about healing but our experiences of them may be very different.

Sally Scott
www.livingwithheart.com

As a coach, I inspire and motivate my clients to make the small changes that create the big differences in their lives. I help them go from where they are right now to where they want to be.

I encourage and support them to take action towards achieving their goals and dreams; and I have confidence in them even when they may not. I hold them accountable to do what they say they are willing to do…And, I support them as they do this step by small, sweet step…

If you or anyone you know (or love) might benefit from my style of coaching, please contact me.
I am happy to offer a complimentary consultation.

And I, personally know the benefits of coaching. It’s through the support I received from my coach that www.widowsjournal.com is here for you today…

Coming soon: www.HeartToHeartCoaching.com

Elephants are known to grieve in groups. They loop their trunks to support the bereaved. Like elephants, we should remain connected and open to the sorrow of others.

Grieving is private; but, it can be public too. We need to stop being afraid to grieve in public.

We need to be open to asking for support and in turn, we need to be available to give it.