August 10, 2007

Shared by a friend…

Filed under: Submit your words — bryna @ 7:35 am

Posted Thursday, Aug. 9, 2007, at 7:34 AM ET

I unexpectedly lost my husband two and a half years ago. We were married 17 years and had a wonderful, happy marriage. I can honestly say that the only regret I have is that we didn’t have more time together. After several months of debilitating grief, I made the conscious decision to put my life back together and believe that I could be happy again. I know that’s what my late husband would have wanted. About a year after he died, I met a wonderful man by pure chance. We fell in love, and were married 22 months after my first husband’s death. Not all, but many of my family, friends, and co-workers are critical of this marriage. When I was the long-suffering widow, everyone was supportive and caring, but now that I have found happiness again, people say that I didn’t grieve properly and that I rushed into this relationship. One (former) friend even said that I was acting like my late husband never existed and she couldn’t be my friend anymore because, unlike me, she still loved him and missed him. I miss my late husband every day. I probably always will, but I have discovered that grief and happiness can co-exist. I am a 49-year-old professional woman. My husband makes more money and has a nicer home than me, so being taken advantage of isn’t the issue. Do these people have a valid point? How long is it proper to wait, and how do I handle it when people say these hurtful things?

—No Longer a Widow

Dear No Longer,
Thank you for your observation that grief and happiness can co-exist. How sad that some of those who should be most pleased for you have decided they know better than you how long you should mourn. In any case, meeting someone a year after your husband’s death and marrying two years later is well outside the limits of anything that should raise eyebrows. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. But since you are troubled by the comments of some friends and family members, tell them what you told me: that you will miss your late husband every day of the rest of your life, and that you know he would want for you—as you would have wanted for him—to find love again.

January 18, 2007

From a Widower

Filed under: Submit your words — bryna @ 11:11 pm

Dear Bryna,

These messages to you have become a form of therapy. You have, in effect, become my mother confessor by being there and encouraging us to write. Long ago, I discovered the benefit of putting thoughts on paper in the process of clarifying my thoughts.. This exercise has again proved the validity of those earlier lessons. Writing this piece has proved to be both more painful and more insightful than expected. It has taken me this time to gather the courage to let anyone else see this analysis; it presents me in a less than compassionate light. But it is true in every respect and this is my admission.

With these new insights in hand I attended my first Widow and Widowers Club event last night—a dinner/dance at a local country club. It was a great experience. Everyone there had experienced the loss of a spouse, either by death or divorce. All I met welcomed me and encouraged my return for more club events. Likely, I will do that and become an active participant in its activities. If that really happens, I will know that I have moved on at last.

Thank you for doing this project.
A grateful friend

Wedding Rings?

Filed under: Submit your words — bryna @ 7:22 am

Bry,
Something came across my mind that I need to ask you. I am still wearing my wedding
rings. Do I have a “right” to do so? Frankly, I don’ feel dressed without it and I’m not sure
I ever will. I don’t need to advertise that I am “single” again. I’m not interested in meeting
anyone and putting up with the dating scene again. I had my share of problems when I
dated when I was young, I sure don’t need them now.

Just wonder what you think since you’re somewhat more seasoned than me.
Your gal pal back East

December 20, 2006

A poignant thought

Filed under: Submit your words — bryna @ 7:51 pm

Maybe I am beginning to find a “thread of the quilt” that represents the rest of my life…
M.F., Oceanside, CA

December 13, 2006

Grief

Filed under: Submit your words — bryna @ 7:46 pm

It comes in waves
sometimes the water laps lightly at your feet
Just enough to know it is present
Other times it engulfs you, ready to swallow you up
Taking your breath away, assaulting your body and lungs
You hold your breath and brace yourself to ride it out
Just as you go under for what you believe is the last time
The water laps lightly at your feet again
And you know you have not perished
Once again, you are safe

Debbie Lowe

December 9, 2006

Submit your words

Filed under: Submit your words — bryna @ 7:16 am

I want to hear from you!

A favorite quote or maybe something you’ve written. A poem. A thought. A recipe for the forthcoming “Widow’s Journal Cookbook.” Widow’s Journal is for and about you…

My contribution for today is for your gastronomical pleasure…

ODESSA’S SWEET POTATO PIE

1 ½ C mashed sweet potatoes
½ C butter or margarine, softened
4 eggs
1 C granulated or brown sugar (I so prefer brown!)
1 ½ t. ground nutmeg
1 ½ t. vanilla
“Dash” ground cinnamon (I use way more than a dash!)
½ C milk
1 unbaked deep dish 9 inch pastry shell.
Blend sweet potatoes with butter. Add eggs, sugar, and seasonings. Stir in milk. Let stand overnight in refrigerator to thicken. Turn into pastry shell and bake @ 350 degrees 1 ½ hours. Cool well.

Makes 8-10 servings. (Right! That’s why I always make two!)

I serve it as part of the meal. Others serve it as dessert with whipped cream.

Either way, it’s delicious.

I invite you to enjoy!

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