Despite having so much to be excited about right now-wedding and all-I find myself with mixed feelings about bidding farewell to the past and the first person who loved me.

It’s not a feeling of disloyalty to him; but rather confusion. Do I still light a memorial candle on the anniversary of his passing? Am I supposed to visit the cemetery before I remarry? Is there a protocol? And, if I do those things, will it be disloyal to one I wed four weeks from today?

There is so much nobody tells you, I guess because it isn’t relevant until the occasion comes up. For this, I will do what feels right in the moment. After all isn’t “in the moment” how one fell in love in the first place?

I will figure it out. It’s one more thing for me to learn. I will learn, because I am open to the experience…which after all, is what life is all about.

Like the sweet, simple steps one takes after loss, I will give myself permission now to experience one more new thing after another in this cycle called “life goes on.”