December 28, 2008

Rememberances of Grieving Past…

Filed under: Uncategorized — bryna @ 8:53 pm

My mother died September 28th. She was 94. It was her time. I am only sorry the last months were such hard ones. It would have been easier for us both if she had just closed her eyes when the downward spiral began. It was hard to watch, not because she was my mother; but because every day I was losing her I was losing my husband again. I so didn’t want to do that; and yet I couldn’t make it stop.

For years after he died he was in front of my face. I couldn’t get him to move over. Then one day he did, only to reappear when something “big” was happening like our son getting married, or the birth of our first grandchild.Times when he should have been and would have loved to have been here to share them.

His “reappearance” this past summer reminded me how much grieving hurts. I had forgotten. I wasn’t prepared, even though I took the classes, conducted the groups and wrote the blog. Nothing prepared me for how much I hurt.

I am healing again. I am journaling again. I am doing the work again. It’s a process.

I have needed time alone to read, to watch videos, to stare into space and to sleep. I’m an “old timer” at this, yet I need to do all the steps all over again.

Hang in there. As I’ve often said, it’s better to feel you’ve lost them too soon, then to feel you stayed together too long.

Blessings.

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Catching Up…

Filed under: Uncategorized — bryna @ 8:30 pm

It has been a year since I’ve blogged. I could say I don’t know where the time has gone; but, I do. Much has happened. Some good. Some not so good. Let’s just say life has happened since last we “spoke.”I know you know how that feels.
A year ago at this time I was in school completing my coaching classes, facilitating a grief support group, compiling a book, writing to you and acquiring another business that was folded into the business that keeps food on the table. Life was full and all was well. Then…It became not quite as well. I learned you can’t be all things to all people. Something had to go. So I stopped writing. The one thing I do for my soul. Tell me we all make such regrettable mistakes.

Classes ended with one called, “Life’s Work & Purpose.” I discovered I am a “nurturer.” Seems everyone knew that before I did.

I found a replacement for the grief group, a woman who really loves doing it and has done the work which qualifies her to be there. Her style and focus is different from mine. The attendees are being nourished a la Ceil now, instead of Bryna.

My book was put aside, or rather put down under the desk where I work all day. I invite you to submit your stories, poems and/or thoughts to me. I do plan to finish it; and can’t do it without you.

Read the next blog for more..

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