February 26, 2007

Words to Remember

Filed under: Important To Know — bryna @ 7:27 am

It isn’t who you love, or how you love…but that you love.
Rod McKuen

February 20, 2007

Happy Birthday to me…

Filed under: Important To Know — bryna @ 12:16 pm

Yes! Even widows have birthdays…and what an exciting one this is for me.

In addition to celebrating my many riches, namely my children, my family, a significant other and great friends, I have as a result of the coaching I myself have received, applied to the Academy For Coaching Excellence to become a certified life coach for widows and widowers.

I am grateful to all those who have encouraged me to do this. It is my goal to “pay forward” to others how good life has been for me.

Love,

Bryna

February 14, 2007

Choose Life

Filed under: Important To Know — bryna @ 4:07 pm

When someone we love dies, it hurts. Period.

So what are we to do with that pain? Do we become bitter? Afraid to love again? Do we close ourselves off from life? Do we stop loving the people closest to us?

I have known people who have been hurt by life again and again, with everything most dearly loved taken away from them, who keep coming back, each time more alive than ever. More loving. More caring. More compassionate.

I have also seen people who have been hurt through the untimely death of someone very close – a child, a mate – who become bitter, hostile, and uncaring of others. They treat the people closest to them as though those who are alive mean less than those who are dead. They seem to have jumped into the grave or scattered themselves with the ashes. This is especially sad when a child has died and the parent becomes so focused on the dead child that they seem to forget to love the children who are still alive. It is as though the pain of the child’s death becomes more important than the reality that this child ever lived and brought them joy.

When Bill Cosby’s son, Ennis, was tragically killed, I heard Rev. Jesse Jackson talking about Martin Luther King, Jr.’s father. Jackson related that King, Sr., said when Martin died, he was so busy being sad about Martin’s death that he stopped paying attention to everyone else in his family. Cherished family members continued to die. Each time his pain would cause him to close off to those who were still alive, until finally, one day it dawned on him that he better start paying attention to people who were there before they, too, were gone.

In 1997, I had the privilege of hearing a speech given by Yvonne Ameche, wife of pro-football player and Heisman Trophy winner, Alan Ameche. After their son was killed suddenly in a car accident, she was so bereft and in pain that she basically stopped living and only went through the motions. One night, a few years after her son’s death, Alan gave her flowers and took her to a beautiful restaurant to celebrate their anniversary. All she could do was sit listlessly lost in her sadness. Finally, Alan said, “Is there a time when I will ever be enough for you again?” Yvonne told us that had she known Alan would be dead within six months, she would have paid more attention to him.

After the death of many people I loved – my father when I was 12, many close relatives, close friends, an unborn child, and a beloved stepson – I finally came to realize that the best thing I could do to honor their lives was to live mine better. As a child, I believed that staying sad forever was the best way to show I cared. Now I know that living better is the highest and best tribute I can pay to those I have loved. They don’t have the privilege of being alive, but I do. And I can take the love we shared, incorporate it into my life and heart, and reach out to others with compassion.

My choice.

It doesn’t take the pain away, but I feel better knowing that I have not wasted their lives by forgetting to live mine.

©Virginia A. Simpson, Ph.D., 1999
www.drvirginiasimpson.com

02/14/07

Filed under: Words of Inspiration — bryna @ 3:54 pm
Just for the “hug” of it, reach out to someone today who needs one.
Happy Valentines Day from me to you.
Celebrate the special love that once touched your life & be gentle with yourself.
Love,
Bryna

February 8, 2007

Simplify…

Filed under: Words of Inspiration — bryna @ 6:24 pm

Inch by inch,
It’s a cinch.
Yard by yard,
It’s very hard.
Anonymous…

In other words: Small, sweet steps.

Journal…

Filed under: Words of Inspiration — bryna @ 8:25 am

“For your born writer, nothing is so healing as the realization that he has come upon the right word.”
– Catherine Drinker Bowen, American biographer, 1897-1973

February 7, 2007

How To Move On…

Filed under: Important To Know — bryna @ 9:04 am

Part of the work of grieving is to channel our emotions and energy into activities that help us to redefine ourselves.
Some people turn to creative pursuits. Some people reach out and help others by volunteering.
And some, recognizing that life is both precious and short, fulfill their dreams.
To help yourself heal, do what moves you. Or do what matters.

  • Adopt a cat. (Perhaps work at an animal shelter.)
  • Visit some foreign land. See America. (Join Elderhostel. Join a tour group)
  • Ride a bike. (Learn a new skill)
  • Help the homeless, the newborn, those in need through your church or temple.
  • Be a mentor. Help someone learn to read.
  • Make a new friend.

And, in every activity remember your loved one who brought you to this place.
Have the courage to take these first steps into the rest of your life.

This is based on a beautiful article by Ann Hood, author of “The Knitting Circle” published Sunday, February 4th in the Desert Sun.

February 3, 2007

The Art of Asking for Support

Filed under: Important To Know — bryna @ 5:24 pm

In coaching, we look at our Structure of Knowing around the subject of support. Are you willing to ask for and receive support when doubts and fears might be getting in the way of moving you forward in your life? When asking another person for support, you’re actually giving them a gift. You’re generously allowing them to make a valuable contribution. Each receives benefit, by working together. The circle of generosity is completed when you let them know the difference they have made.
We don’t have to do life alone; support is everywhere. We’ve only to be aware of its opportunities and blessings. Connecting with support will allow us to live life with a sense of ease and grace.

Nancy Laura Joseph, Certified Life Coach
accountablecoaching@verizon.net

February 1, 2007

Definition…

Filed under: Words of Inspiration — bryna @ 6:40 pm

Character isn’t inherited. One builds it daily by the way one thinks and acts.
Helen Gahagan Douglas

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