How blessed I am to have been selected as the new facilitator of the Grief Support Group in my community.Yesterday was our first meeting.

I am privileged to have sat in the presence of 22 very courageous women, who felt comfortable enough to share their hearts, tears and hopes in what I hope is a safe place for them. We all (myself included) had really good, love-filled marriages, so I felt comfortable sharing my “mantra” with them…

“It is far better to feel that you lost him too soon; then to feel you were with him too long.”

No matter how long or short it lasts, love is a wonderful thing to have had in one’s life.

What an undertaking you have done
I was so grateful to have met you at a friends home.
You have been so helpful with knowledge for my Hospice friends
and myself.
Your friendship is great.
I feel I can count on you at any minute…
Joyce

* Waking early to face an empty day, with no interest in anything but your loss is to be expected. Grief takes many forms. If it not shown publicly, it will hit privately at unexpected times, triggered by the least expected stimulus.

* You will ask, “Why?”

* Holidays and “special” days can be deadly; and, if the weather is bad it is even worse.

* People who speak in platitudes, know not of what they speak!* Time does NOT healing everything. It only makes it bearable. You cannot always be busy. You will be alone to face your loss. To hear “You’re so strong” over and over becomes intolerable.

* People must be able to accept your need to leave at any time, even though you appear to be holding up well.

*Although you need to talk about your loss, people may avoid you, because they can’t face the same thing for themselves. You MUST have someone to with whom to speak honestly.

* Even though you used to think logically, you will become completely illogical for a while; and little things will seem to become insurmountable.

* Those who tell you that they hope you will find someone else will anger you.

* You will go on, why or how you don’t know; but the survival instinct does prevail.

The list goes on and on. This is just for insight into the emotions facing survivors.

From “Grief” Who Helps the Living? by Mary McLaughlin, R.N.
American Journal of Nursing, 1978.

** Personal Note: Do not feel you need to reply to ignorance.

Of all the attitudes we can acquire, surely the attitude of gratitude is the most important and by far the most life-changing.
Zig Ziglar

Today, January 8th is the anniversary of my husband’s passing.
Ten years.
A decade.
A long, long time…

Although “being married” seems surreal to me now, I know it happened. I have my wedding band neatly tucked away in a safety deposit box, and lots of photographs depicting our almost 29 years together to prove it. What I don’t have is the man I loved & who loved me “even more than that!”

Time has healed a lot, and days actually pass when I don’t think about him (much.) Yet, somehow my personal clock knows when it’s January 8th & I go into a tailspin. How long will it take for the ache in me to completely go away?

The good news is I know tomorrow will be better… January 9th is just another day with no significance.

I was so blessed to be his wife.

Bryna

After Chuck died, no matter how together I seemed, I really did not know what to do with myself that first year. In an instant, my life as I once knew it ceased to exist. Looking back if I hadn’t had to get up to run our business, I probably would’ve thrown a pity party for myself and gone into hiding for awhile. Instead, I trudged ahead and tripped myself up in an intricate variety of ways. Please read on and try to do as I suggest, not as I did…

1. Stay in charge of your own life.
No one knows what you need better than you do! Do not let anyone manage your money or your personal affairs.

2. As best as you can, maintain your familiar routine.
You will make changes eventually. It happens. For now you don’t need the extra stress. Stick with what you know.

3. Make plans for weekends and those “special dates.”
Get out your calendar and fill those days with family, friends, or activities that will make these days easier to get through. If you don’t know where to go, or what to do, check out the calendar section of your newspaper, or go online. It’s a wonderful opportunity to catch up with those things you said you’d do like to do someday if you had the time. You now have the time!

4. Fight loneliness. Get out of the house, especially when you don’t want to.
Find something to do! Take a class, join a gym or a house of worship. Help children learn to read (my personal favorite) or reshelve books at the library. Give of yourself to someone else; or just go for a walk. I promise, both will make you feel much better!

5. Be good to yourself.
Treat yourself to tickets to something you’d really like to see.
Get a massage or a facial.
Buy yourself some flowers
Change your haircolor.
Don’t go into debt; but splurge every now and then on something special…

6. Reread the first five suggestions!

You are in charge of being good to yourself now. Nobody else will do it.
With my blessings and encouragement, go for it.